4 hours, above the clouds, miles away from the ground i felt safe.
although the seats were very uncomfortable exhausted, the ride was just fine.
the flight attendant grew on us. we sat in the last row so we were next to her the entire time. youd be surprised how special you feel when you get free extra snacks. before we finally got off, she gave us a few free drink coupons for the ride home.
our traveling is almost over.
walking through the airport, eric and i made our way to the bag claim and there he was. the most amazing man who i needed to see. he had a big stupid grin on his face. he wore what looked like one of his pajama shirts, and plaid shorts. i hate when he doesnt dress well. he hugged me again and i felt all of the bullshit that has been on top of me, and that tried chasing me from CT to Chicago fall off of me and leak into the drains. my brother was now with me and i was happy again.
after waking from a nap, the party begins. Scottys friends come over to finally meet eric and i. we head up to the roof top with cases of beer and bags of food.
i needed this.
after a while, as the sun was setting and bob marley songs were starting to repeat themselves.
there was alot of drunk conversation, dancing and laughing.
wheres chelsea?
leaning against a fence smoking cigarettes and staring at my phone to avoid attention from others.
i dont quite understand what was wrong.
i guess all the problems that scotty scared away made its way up to that roof top. i drank alot and couldnt feel even a buzz.
i sat on the edge and thought about my most recent break down.
this break down is a new kind.
this break down gives me an unfamiliar feeling.
im confused with my life again.
at least before when i was sad, i knew what i was.
now im confused.
i climbed behind the fence and sat, which scotty then yelled at me about.
i sat on the edge of the fire escape and felt safe. all the problems went away again. i watched every thing fall to the ground below me.
i pictured my body on the way down.
arms spread and eyes closed.
smile on my face.
feeling free.
i watched my breakdowns take form of my body and hit the earth.
i felt good again.
i took some shots of vodka and finally got drunk.
i had an amazing time with these friends and i will miss them so much.
i felt great.
when i slept all my breakdowns came into my dreams.
i dont know if ill really escape.
but ill just enjoy the times they arent on my mind.
